The Tsarnaev Brothers: Understanding the Motive

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In the wake of the Boston Marathon Bombings, there’s so many questions surrounding the culprits, Dzhohar & Tamerlan Tsarnev.

Media outlets reveal new suspect details as the hours pass. Of what is known, the two brothers are radical Muslims from Dagestan, a province in Russia that borders Chechnya. It’s unclear whether their ethnic roots are linked to the attack, as the region is known for rebel violence & extremism. But it’s certainly being pinned down as the absolutereason by so many.

Times like these are scary. They reverberate the same fear & anxiety so deeply felt in the wake of 9/11. But I question whether constant media coverage will help this situation, aside from being informative to the masses

The crime is disturbing. Two bombs exploded near the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing three and injuring many more.

But it’s even more disconcerting these brothers are the suspects. Relatives, friends, & acquaintances were shocked when Dzhohar & Tamerlan were identified as the culprits behind the bombings. Community members repeatedly described them as respectful, outgoing, & kind. “They were usual kids, from a usual family,” according to Magomed Daudov, the school director of the academy both Dzhohar & Tamerlan attended in Dagestan

Not the stereotypical introverted, social pariahs. But I think the dichotomy here offers more insight than we realize. As we’re too used to thinking that only bad people are capable of bad things.

So if Dzhohar & Tamerlan were good sons, brothers, & friends, why would they bomb the Boston Marathon? It seems counterintuitive to even empathize w/ the killers, but what better question to ask. Nothing can ever be prevented with just anger-evoking replays of the traumatic event.

So what justified this act of terror in the minds of Dzhohar & Tamerlan?

I don’t have the answer. And quite honestly, without their personal accounts, I can only speculate why.  But the contradiction forces us to consider all the possibilities…instead of just assuming there are naturally defected. Maybe it’s radical Islam, or misdirected anger from the bloody conflict in their native Chechnya.  Maybe it’s feeling unaccepted in another country. Or perhaps it’s the influence of one deranged sibling over another.

Whatever the reason(s), the Bombing itself can NEVER be justified (at least in my mind). Attempting to kill innocent human beings is objectively wrong. But it’s more preventative if we understand how it becomes justifiable in the minds of people who are otherwise…good.

We just need to focus on the motive, intead of just sensationalizing the event

For all lives lost, RIP

~For all family & friends suffering, you’re in my prayers

The Gift of Meditation-Finding Freedom from Within

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There was a time when freedom was a danger to me. Or perhaps my perception of freedom was the true danger. Left to my own devices, I was so willingly self-destructive, so consciously aware of the self-harm I inflicted, that I was seldom shocked by the outcome of any late night debauchery. If there was any shame, I could only identify my wild and unyeilding emotions as the source.

Yet the illusion I broke free in my own self-destruction perpetuated the behavior for years more. For at least in being black out drunk, I emerged as the champion of my own struggle. A self proclaimed breakaway from all things I deemed repressive. Structure, rules, judgement, pleasing others, all became the worries of someone else, someone who cared. Cuz unlike them, I could be elsewhere…or so I thought.

But the day soon came that I humbled. As I entered a confinement that forced upon me the silence I secretly loathed. No distraction available to numb my pain: no drugs, no alcohol, no sex NOTHING. And in those days, I questioned my concept of freedom. Or what I defined as freedom. That I could be the hero of my own sob-story, resisting societal structure, family rules, job bullshit, and still tremble at the thought of silence.

At this time, someone told me my problem. And his brutal honesty was the best and worst gift. “You’re young, so you think you got it all under control.  But you can’t handle shit. And one day you’ll surrender and accept what little control you have.” I’ll admit it was a course relaying, but I couldn’t deny his truth–I proved I could handle nothing. And my concept of freedom, which I soon learned was resistance, was totally self-defeating.

But his truth caused great stress, as it catapulted me into a weird transition. Learning what freedom was not, but not yet knowing its face. It was only my encounter with meditation that gave me the answer-that I externalized a shame that could only be inwardly healed. That I could only be at peace if I fought the violence within.

So I began. Closing my eyes & relaxing my body. At first there was little clarity, as my mind was bombarded with doubtful voices, ” You can’t handle this, you’re weak.” And as the meditations deepened, so did the voices. As the emotional blocks to my inner freedom intensified with this learning of presence–the idea that I could be conscious without pain.

The voices then became louder, now resonating with memories I’d buried for years. Angry to be exposed, analyzed, and most frightening of all…understood. And I was tempted to resist: wishing those demons out of existence. Wanting to fight back with the same violence they lashed at me mentally.

I refused to give in though, as I intuitively believed this would yield to the same outcome as before. In spite of the seemingly ‘different’ or ‘authentic’ way I chose to battle it. Just the alternative–non-resistance–seemed counterintuitive, as if I would be held even more captive than before.

But I took the chance. And I attribute it completely to faith. As I was majorly convinced this would take me to the place I’d resisted for years. The derivative of my pain, created by distortions & lies.  But I trusted something, perhaps the old man who so self-assuredly foresaw my surrender. At a time when I thought I was strong. So I closed my eyes, focused myself, and then…surrendered.

At first there was rush of pain. As if the dam of my resistance finally broke. Nothing left to hold back the emotion. But I found in moments the emotions leveled, and I became someone other than the sufferer. I became the spectator. The watcher. The witness of the pain, not the host it thrived. And my truth finally emerged–that I was not my pain.

It was an eerie transition, as this new identity evolved. One deplete of unconsciousness. Yet I can honestly recall true non-resistance to this change, as I never felt so much peace. But it can only occur if we surrender to the pain. Of which our faith in presence can bring. As the fight back makes the pain grow stronger. Sometimes even conning us into believing it IS us.

And that’s the gift of meditation, whether it’s labeled prayer, self-discovery, or healing. It’s the idea that we can only be free within ourselves, even when we are subject to repressive societal, rules or regulations.   Of which I could only know by ‘escaping’ the outside, and still being captive inside. A prison I could only break free by facing the silence.

Lady Gaga, Trauma, and her Bad Romance

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Lady Gaga. Arguably one of the most influential musicians of our time. And perhaps one of the most conflicted. With the veil of celebrity that surrounds her, it’s hard to see the woman behind the ‘fame monster’. As a consumptive mass, we remain fixated on next outfit, her next performance, or her next statement. We impatiently await an outfit as outlandish as her meat covered getup, or a performance as controversial as her 2009 VMA papparazzi routine.

But in our intense preoccupation with the ‘surface’ of these antics, it becomes easy to lose focus of her more subtle movements—the actions & statements that expose the girl behind the image. A ‘self’ that’s easily lost when you’re so hugely identified with those aspects of your persona that generate the greatest media buzz on TMZ or Access Hollywood.But amidst the mania, I couldn’t help but get drawn in by her very intimate interview with Neil Strauss. When asked if she experienced trauma in her youth, she said yes, and then claimed it was so terrible she blocked it out. And for fear the event would ‘define her’, she kept the trauma a secret from her fans. Interesting…coming from a woman with one of the most intimate fan-based relations I’ve ever seen. It doesn’t surprise me that Lady Gaga embeds great meaning in those same music videos that are often considered outlandish or bizarre. To the common viewer, Bad Romance or Marry the Nightcan be easily construed as a conglomerate of random elements, created merely for the sake of gaining public attention. And so, it’s hard to imagine these videos can really harbor greater meaning. And why would we think so? The media seldom tells us otherwise.

 

But upon careful examination, it becomes shockingly clear that Lady Gaga is much more than her media persona. Contradictory to appraisals of her music as being ‘pointless’, her songs & videos are actually quite complex, consistently pointing to the music industry moguls as a huge source of her frustrations. And so, what appears to be a half naked girl dancing for a group of men in Bad Romance is possibly Gaga’s expression of how she was inducted into the world of fame…by selling her soul to the devil. To a panel of men (yes, these moguls are mainly men) that in her creative interpretation, bid on artists only to ‘pimp’ them out to the world. So she goes from wide-eyed innocence, ignorant to the evils that await her, to a tainted seductress, willing to exploit herself for the perks of fame.

A similar transformative process occurs in Marry the Night, as Gaga goes from a ‘true’ ballet dancer to a more marketable diva-type artist—perhaps the Gaga she is today. And quite interestingly, it seems trauma is the catalyst for this change. A trauma that leaves her dissociated & bruised in a hospital bed, with only the voice of the nurse, “no intimacy for two weeks”, to settle the intense eeriness of the scene. Powerful, and perhaps personal, but easily avoidable in the seemingly ambiguous context of the video. This aside, it’s probable she’s also making reference to the rather sinister workings of the music business, as this type of person is particularly attractive to them—damaged, easily manipulated, and eager to resist the reality of their troubles with the distractions of fame.

So why does Lady Gaga subject herself to the very degradation she denounces in her music? Perhaps she perceives fame as the greatest method of influencing the youth? An influence that would be truer to her artistic self, if not for the sex, violence, or other outlandishness she must sell to receive support from this elite group. Or perhaps exaggeration of these elements is meant to emphasize the corruption that plagues the industry. A corruption that would destroy her social commentaries if not advantaged in this way.

Whatever the case, I’m not convinced this is her only source of conflict, as we’re all living in a corrupt world, equally subject to it’s deceitfulness in one way or another. For in the eyes of Gaga I sense a deeper pain, a more personal encounter with the same wickedness she so acutely detects in the music industry. Perhaps a trauma, that like her Marry the Night depiction, also left her bruised and feeble in a hospital bed, with only the hope of becoming famous,  “I’m gonna be a star…cause I have nothing left to lose” to mend deep feelings of shame or worthlessness. A trauma that also catalyzed her change from innocent to corrupt, from pure to tainted, from Stefani Germanotta to Lady Gaga.

And it’s her fight against what’s unjust in this world that most clearly reveals what she battles. As we are more decipherable creatures than we realize, living out what troubles us most deeply. And so I imagine her gender equality rants or anti-bullying campaigns are fueled by her own struggle, her own yearning to reclaim a self-worth that was challenged. From an experience, or perhaps a few, that has strengthened if not created her resolve to fight against those people or systems that tell us we are less than we are. A battle she continues to fight with each seemingly random outfit, outlandish performance, or controversial statement. A battle that can only be understood if we look past the media hyped antics and closer at the woman.

 

Why Our Obsession with Perfection Makes Us So Imperfect

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After about two years outside the workplace, I was expecting some craziness with my new job, but within the first week, I was nearly drained.  It wasn’t so much the workload that tired me; as compared to my previous jobs, the responsibilities were quite elementary. Rather, it was the interactions with both employees & customers that left me numb at the end of the day.

Being in a call center, I was on the receiving end of angry customers, who demanded info about their wellness program, and then answerable to my even angrier supervisors, who gave dirty looks & mocking emails when their assistance was needed. Looking back, it was like a catch 22.  In spite of all my efforts, I couldn’t seem to please anyone, just listening to bitching & moaning for eight hours a day.  But for me, I think the greater challenge was dealing with their expectation of perfection, the idea that work should never be flawed.

In many of these interactions, it was minimally important if I did something right.  Rather, to others, it seemed my level of competency relied mainly on how much I fucked up, even if it rarely happened.  I could do everything right, but once I sent the wrong email, asked for the wrong info, used the wrong tone, it was like I was ALL bad. Yelled at, chastised, even belittled at times if I couldn’t uphold this standard of perfection. And I found, that even when I did repent, it was like they wanted something more, perhaps a more deeply satisfying expression of remorse or embarrassment?  But in these times, all I could say was, “Yes, I fucked up, I’m human, I’m just not…perfect”

This idea of perfection, no flaws, no issues, no problems, seems to infiltrate all our lives at one time or another. And like our yearning to be perfect workers, we also yearn for perfection in other aspects of our lives, whether it is a ‘perfect family’, ‘perfect spouse, ‘perfect job’, or some other kind of perfect life situation.  And living in a society where status & achievement are so highly revered, its no surprise that many Americans feel almost compelled to meet such high standards in their lives.  For example, in the media, images of huge celebrity estates constantly remind us of the lavish homes we could have.  Or, more specific to women, diamond ads featuring beautiful models remind of how flawless we would be if only those same diamonds were draped around our necks.

But is perfection really attainable? Do we ever really meet these standards?  In reality, usually not. With enough time, even the most seemingly perfect couple, family, job etc. begins to show its flaws.  And unfortunately for us, once these flaws surface, and the image of perfection shatters, our society does an excellent job of socially humiliating the victim. Once someone cheats, lies, steals, or does something so against the image they’ve upheld, in others, approval shifts to judgment, love turns into hate.  It didn’t take long for a once supportive media to shame Tiger Woods for engaging in sexual relations outside his marriage.   Nor did it take long for the highly esteemed president Bill Clinton to be nearly ostracized once allegations of his sexual rendezvous surfaced.

So, if perfection is so hard to uphold, why are we so fixated on it?  Why is it, that even when we know the flaws, we still defend an image of flawlessness?  To answer this question, I think we must first look at what these images aim to preserve, and almost always, it is some aspect of our lives we identify with.  Whether it is a job, skill, spouse, lifestyle etc., it seems we most tenaciously defend those images we consider apart of our self-image. And this would explain why we engage in such resistance when these images are threatened.  Because a threat to this can instigate a tremendous shift in our personal realities, to the people we think we are: “I can’t be wrong, because I’m smart”, “They can’t be flawed, because they’re my parents”, “He can’t cheat, because he’s my loving husband”.  Or how supervisors like to think, “I can’t be wrong, because I’m your boss.’

And herein lies my issue-when something falls short of perfection, as it usually does, the fear of losing these identities prevents us from looking at the flaws…even if we are in pain.  The way I see it, imperfection is just apart of being human.  And like the petty mistakes I make at work, I make those same mistakes in other areas of my life.  But when looking at my flaws threatens my personal reality, my concept of right & wrong, the woman I think I am, I too become tempted to just pretend everything is ok.  And perhaps this resistance underlies society’s judgment of others, the fear they too may have to confront those same realities in their own lives.

But does this ever work? Does ignoring the abused child’s cry ever stop her pain?  Or does mocking the alcoholic’s binges ever help him heal? In reality, usually not.  In fact, ignoring the problem or judging it in others just keeps the problem going, perpetuating a cycle of emotional pain.  In a bittersweet paradox, I think it’s the acknowledgement of our flaws, not our obsession with being perfect, that intrinsically makes us better, more understanding, more human. And even if it means relinquishing our identities, the images we want to preserve, sometimes looking at the cracks gives us the chance of a better life. We may want to be perfect workers, but we can only be better if we admit our petty mistakes.  And we may want a perfect family, but we can only be better parents if we admit our own parent’s shortcomings.  And so, scary as it may seem, sometimes just accepting the imperfect gets us somewhere closer to perfect. 

Cheating Men, and How Infidelity Should Really be Perceived

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As mentioned in last month’s blog, with the tempting lifestyle of many high-profile men, it’s not surprising that many of them get caught up in cheating scandals.  In the last year alone, via almost every media outlet, we heard about men like Chad Johnson (aka Ocho), Ashton Kutcher etc., engaging in sexual relations outside their high-status relationships.  And with the surge in reality TV/ massive media coverage, viewers are better able to witness how their wives & girlfriends handle these situations.

Above, in Season 3 of Basketball Wives, Tami Roman and Evelyn Lozada fight after Tami finds out that Evelyn slept with her ex-husband, Kenny Rogers, during their marriage.

No doubt infidelity is painful. When anyone dedicates themselves to a union, and their trust is betrayed, the emotional pain can be overwhelming.  But for women in particular, to avoid this pain, there seems to be a specific way in which these situations are handled.  As seen in countless scandals, when cheating allegations surface, oftentimes the woman will stand by her partner. Demi Moore & Fergie are just a few that stood by their husbands when various mistresses first reported affairs with their men.  In cases of infidelity, women may also shift blame to the ‘other’ girls involved (groupies, dancers, gumadas etc).  We see this pattern constantly surface on programs like Basketball Wives, Mob Wives etc, where wives & girlfriends hold the ‘other’ women hugely responsible for their men’s misbehavior.  However, in spite of the actual dynamic, in cases of infidelity, there seems to aversion to one simple reality…the man’s betrayal.

Or, if its clear he’s been unfaithful, there’s constant rumination as to ‘why’ the cheating occurred.  Like the scandals themselves, the media harps on the subject, discussing all the potential reasons for male infidelity. And depending on the source, you get a different answer.  According to marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman, its emotional disconnection, according to TV personality Bill Maher, it’s the desire for something new, and according to legal prostitute Brooke Taylor, it’s narcissism.  With the legitimacy of these sources, some being psychologists & experts in their field, I’m sure there’s truth to these arguments. But with the overall ambivalence of this topic, if there’s anything for certain… it’s that the cheating happened.

There’s this belief that things are what they are.   And in an attempt to protect ourselves from pain, we think around ‘what is’, rationalizing or rejecting the reality before us.  And with something as prevalent and painful as cheating, it’s not surprising that women mentally avert the reality of their man’s indiscretion.  But in acknowledging this act, comes the acknowledgement of your partner’s sexual relation with another…not yours.  This may be hard at first, but as you hold yourself less & less accountable for HIS DECISION, your emotional pain will gradually subside.

Some may ask…wouldn’t it be better to find reasons why this occurs, instead of just accepting it for our relationships? And my answer is…sure, if you want, you can look for reasons why, and perhaps you’ll get some answers. Maybe, as Gary Neuman claims, its emotional disconnection, or like Brooke Taylor claims, its your partner’s narcissistic character.  But if you don’t at least hold him responsible for HIS DECISION, you’ll continue to carry the emotional burden the indiscretion.

Furthermore, accepting this reality does not equate with accepting it for your relationship. In your union, you can very well tolerate cheating and still not blame your partner for his indiscretion.  In fact, it is this perception that actually prompts some women to accept this behavior, which only perpetuates a cycle of emotional pain in the relationship.  But to accept this reality of HIS CHEATING is to remove the false belief that you (or others) are somehow responsible for the act.  And this, if anything, would only empower women, perhaps strengthening their resolve to leave, as they’ll understand they’re powerlessness in the matter.  So, to all women, if you’re faced with infidelity, to keep yourself strong, face the reality of your partner’s decision.  And then, moving forward, focus on what you really have control over…yourself.

Reality TV Wives/ Girlfriends, and WHY Relationship Dependency is Harmful to Women

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In the light of Chad Ochocinco & Evelyn Lozada’s domestic dispute, it’s not surprising that many people are speculating the reality of their high-status relationship.  According to reports, Chad, ex-player for the Miami dolphins, head butt his new wife, Evelyn, after she confronted him about a box of condoms found in his car. And then, shortly after, his Boston mistress, Bevelry Shiner, came forth and revealed her ongoing affair with Chad during his engagement to Evelyn.  To some, this may not be particularly shocking, but as compared to what’s been shown on last season of Basketball Wives, it definitely paints a very different picture.

Basketball Wives, which briefly aired Chad & Evelyn’s seemingly healthy relationship, is one of the many Reality TV shows that showcases the lives of celebrity/athlete wives & girlfriends.  And with the sky-high ratings, it’s evident that millions of women (and even men) are very entertained by these weekly episodes. For young women especially, the sight of their seemingly unreal lifestyle, lavish parties, fancy clothing, etc can be very impressive.  But with scandals like Chad & Evelyn’s, you have to wonder whether these glamorized TV depictions of ‘celebrity’ or ‘athlete’ wives/girlfriends really set the right example for women.

In these reality shows, I think the most troubling example put forth to young women is how strongly these wives/girlfriends identify themselves with their high-profile relationships.  As evidenced in the show names, Mob Wives, Basketball Wives, Hollywood Exes, there seems to be little else, aside from being attached to high status men, that really defines these women as people.  And so, in spite of it’s glamorous exterior, for women to understand the true harm of this ‘relationship dependency’, I think its important to shed light on the darker reality of being a woman in this lifestyle.

  1. You feel worse when they cheat:  Alot of men cheat.  But when men are rich, famous, and bombarded with hot ladies everyday, they cheat even more.  And for those women who base so much of themselves on these relationships, as many of these wives/ girlfriends do, infidelity feels even worse. For example, in Season 1 of Mob Wives, Drita D’Avanzo is nearly devastated when she finds out her then-husband, Lee D’Avanzo, cheated on her. And considering Drita’s impressive loyalty to their union, even during Lee’s decade long incarceration, it’s even more understandable that she’s pissed.  However, if Drita had based her self-worth more on her own life, and less on her relationship with Lee, she probably would have been less distraught over his infidelity.
  2. People will most likely acknowledge your husband/not you.  When you’re married to a high-profile man, and you haven’t built a separate identity, there’s a good chance you won’t even be acknowledged.  For Example, in Season 1 of Hollywood Exes, ex wife of R-Kelly, Andrea, vents this frustration.  She claims, that even during their 10-year marriage, most people did not even know the R&B singer had a wife! So, to build her own identity, she breaks away from the marriage (as many of these wives eventually do), and starts her own dancing company in LA.  It’s only then, we see Andrea emerge as someone other than the ‘ex-wife’ of R-Kelly.
  3.  He calls the shots in your relationship/ controls you with money.  If you’re with a high-status man, and you haven’t gained your own financial security, its not unlikely that he will control the relationship with his money.  This is especially true of Stevie J’s ‘Love Triangle’ with Baby Mama, Mimi Faust, and ex-stripper Joseline Hernandez, in Love & Hip Hop Atlanta.  Given that each woman is somewhat financially dependent on him (and addicted to his swag), Stevie J is able to manipulate the terms of each relationship.  Its only when Mimi Faust demands 20% of his business and Joseline seeks out other producers that Stevie J starts losing momentum of his love triangle. And for strong & independent women like Joseline & Mimi, that’s definitely a good thing!
  4. More Fighting with Other Women:  Given that many high-status men are usually MIA, doing their ‘thang’ on the road, in jail, at games etc., its not surprising they get caught up in cheating scandals constantly.  And with their women being so invested in the relationships, its likely they would not accept this betrayal and instead shift blame to the ‘other’ women involved, such as groupies, strippers, dancers etc.   We see this pattern surface on Season 1 of Basketball Wives: Jennifer Williams approaches alleged ‘groupie’ Sandra (aka plastic surgery), after speculating she was sleeping with her then husband Eric Williams. Although Sandra tells Jen that Eric only refers to his marriage as ‘just business’ to other women, Jenn still takes out her frustrations on Sandra.  However, if Jenn had confronted her husband, not only would she have gotten to the bottom of the problem, HER HUSBAND, she could’ve avoided a fight with another woman.
  5. You don’t get to figure out who YOU are. I think the worst part of defining yourself by your high-profile relationship, as many of these wives & girlfriends do (or did), is that you never really figure out who YOU are.  In nearly all of these shows, we see a similar pattern surface: women are either socially/ financially /emotionally dependent on their high profile men, and these men use this power to manipulate the relationship.  Being on these unequal terms, these women spend more time fighting for power in their unions than actually discovering who they are as people.  But there’s hope!  With the sky-high divorce rates amid this group, I think these ladies are finally realizing the importance of being independent women.

So, I ask, when watching these shows, try to look past the glitz & glamour and consider the darker reality of defining yourself by your relationship.  And then, you’ll understand the importance of building your own self.

How to Overcome low self-image by challenging Media representation of women

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With the massive barrage of advertisements that showcase flawless and sexually desirable women, it is no surprise that young girls worldwide are plagued with self-image issues. Whether it is the half-naked vodka girl or the latest celebrity bombshell, in almost every media outlet, there seems to be this nearly unattainable standard of beauty that challenges the way women think of themselves.

My issue is not really with the images themselves; they are naturally all things intended, sexual, provocative etc. Instead, my issue lies more in the fact that young women are using these images, created by a male dominated/ money-hungry media, to define their own standards of beauty. In other words, for us women, even when it comes to our own beauty, we don’t get the privilege of defining it…men do.

And so, in order to help women overcome this pressure, I think its important for girls to understand the false messages put forth in these advertisements. Aside from the unrealistic notion of ‘physical perfection’, which is mainly accomplished with Photoshop, there seems to be a growing trend of minimizing women as sex objects, as just ‘tits’ and ‘ass’, with the sole purpose of sexually gratifying men, rather than depicting them as complex human beings. And considering the influence of companies using these images, and their sick way of glamorizing sexual submission, as evidenced in the Dolce & Gabana add, it’s no surprise that women think sexualizing themselves will give them a sense of power or social acceptance.

However, the truth of the matter is this is a lie. If this were true, there wouldn’t be such a spike in body dissatisfaction with the globalization of these images. Rather, conforming to these standards will only conform you to the Dolce & Gabbana girl exactly: an object, held sexually submissive to men, with no power…Please understand, becoming this ‘woman’ will not get you anything for YOU, self-esteem, self-efficacy, self-gratitude, and most importantly self-respect! Instead, it will only get you a man’s sexual interest, that, like his interest in a brand new toy, will most likely fade once he gets tired of playing, and the next shiny toy comes into view.

After claims that it promoted sexual violence against women, this add, which depicts a ‘fantasy rape’ like situation, was revoked from circulation by Dolce & Gabbana

So, with this knowledge, I ask that we all actively challenge these standards! Instead of letting a patriarch define our beauty, based on what THEY want us to be, powerless sex objects, I think we need to define our beauty based on who we really are: unique women.  Despite what we’ve been told, in every one of us, aside from our physical beauty, lies the unique beauty of who we are as people, our inner selves, our souls.  And if we can define ourselves more by this, and less on looking perfect for men,  I think we will all understand how beautiful we really are.